The User's Guide and Manual for Glitch Ambrose
by Shannon Vega
Summary: COMPLETE! So, you want your very own Glitch. Think you're ready for the responsibility of the quirky inventor? Then take a gander through his instruction manual. A loving tribute to the graceful Royal advisor. Glitch x AZ implied. Third in the series.


**A/N: Baum wrote it, SciFi adapted it, and I want a series, not a miniseries, dammit. Hints of Glitch/Az are not your imagination. For the record, the idea of a user guide is not mine. I have no idea who originated it, but as I've never said it was mine, deal with it. Nor is any similarity to any other's work intended. **

**THE USERS GUIDE AND MANUAL FOR**

**Glitch/Ambrose**

**Copyright Tin Man, Ltd.**

**Princess D.G., Quality Assurance **

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of a GLITCH/AMBROSE unit. To obtain the most pleasure from your royal advisor, please follow the instructions below.

**TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS**

Name: GLITCH/AMBROSE (hereafter simply known as GLITCH)

Type: Human

Height: 1.78 m

Weight: 160 lbs.

Colour: Eyes: Brown Hair: Dark Brown

**ACCESSORIES**

Your GLITCH will arrive via travel storm tied to the interior of a hanging basket. He is accompanied by a bubbling vat containing his brain along with an instruction manual advising how to reinstall the brain. Upon installing the brain, your GLITCH will now have his AMBROSE personality, though you can manage the amount of AMBROSE personality comes through with the simple dial located on the left buttock. Your GLITCH comes clothed in black trousers, white button down dress shirt over burgundy undershirt, tattered and discolored red dress uniform coat with gold epaulets and black boots. His hair is styled in a variation on dreadlocks and his zipper will not tarnish. For those occasions when your GLITCH must dress to the nines, a dapper uniform of scarlet coat and tails, tailored black trousers, pressed white shirt, dark cravat, and spit-and-polish boots are included.

**OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS**

Upon receipt of your GLITCH unit, it is strongly recommended that you untie him from his basket and then immediately remove the basket from the vicinity if you have a DG unit. Then it is advisable to remove the GLITCH unit's clothing and check all moving parts. Following verification that your GLITCH unit is in proper working condition, he should be bathed. It is strongly recommended to use something manly but not overpowering in the washing of GLITCH. Hand washing is recommended. Towel drying is not necessary but decidedly pleasurable. Do not dry clean or tumble dry your GLITCH unit.

Besides serving as quite the conversationalist and ice-breaker, your GLITCH has a variety of other functions.

_**Royal Advisor**_

Though primarily a function of the AMBROSE half of the GLITCH equation, once GLITCH's brain is reconnected and the dial is set to "Six", you will find that this unit has a quick reflexes and even quicker mind. Unendingly devoted to the House of Gale, he will serve faithfully to your DG, AZKADELIA and QUEEN LURLINE units. Gifted with an uncanny recollection of royal trivia, you'll never miss a birthday, forget an anniversary, or tick off feuding dictators by forgetting the causation of their thousand year battle.

_**Dance Instructor/Fight Choreographer**_

As GLITCH has said, he has "perfect rhythm." Whether it be the Lambada, the Charleston, the Tango, or the Twist, GLITCH's dancing skills are beyond the pale. In much the same vein as the above "DANCE INSTRUCTOR" vocation, GLITCH also has the timing and physical stamina for hand to hand combat. Jet Li might be out of a job should GLITCH ever take Hong Kong up on that film deal. He can fight and make it look like a lethal ballet.

_**Inventor**_

With the installation of GLITCH's other brain half and a twist of the aforementioned knob to "Seven", you have the equivalent of Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison in the room with you. Are you at a loss for that science project to wow your peers at school? Do you really want to know about everything in the universe (and several more besides)? Then simply follow the careful instructions included separately and you'll be raking in the science awards and patents. Caution should however be taken in that science is, by its very nature, not concerned with the ethical ramification of its creations and before you patent that nutronium bomb, one might want to consider if it might best be left in the woodshed in a metal box labeled "LARD".

_**Marriage Counselor**_

While this really only ever comes in handy with the DG and CAIN units, GLITCH does have a unique understanding not only of his friends but of their minds as well. He is quite good at prying out the truth of the situation and then, once he has them alone, broaching the truth of their feelings to either DG or CAIN. More often than not, thanks to GLITCH's intervention the calm of the castle has been restored.

**CLEANING**

While it may seem obvious, great care must be taken to make sure that your GLITCH unit is clean and well-cared for. Left to his own devices, your "glitching" GLITCH would parade around in tattered rags while repeating random bits of conversation. Periodically it is advisable to hand wash your GLITCH unit and also launder his clothing. Line drying is not recommended while towel drying with Egyptian cotton is strongly recommended. Do not use scrub brushes or steel wool on your GLITCH. His zipper is part of his anatomy and it is strongly recommended not to attempt to remove them without the assistance of a trained ALCHEMIST (sold separately). Do not use lye or bleach to clean your GLITCH--this may damage him irreparably.

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS AND TROUBLESHOOTING**

_He's getting nervous and keeps glancing at AZKADELIA. Then he starts to say something,, stops, and walks away after bowing. It's driving me crazy. What's going on?_

What you are witnessing is the restoration of several rather personal memories for your GLITCH unit of AZKADELIA. Though normally not at a loss for words, your GLITCH unit sometimes becomes tongue-tied around AZKADELIA. However, given time and the proper settings (dial located on right buttcheek can be turned from K to MA at user discretion) this will mature into a most pleasurable relationship founded on mutual love and respect. And possibly bondage.

_All he does is work. Night and day he's tinkering in his laboratory. I want him to pay attention to me!_

Ah, with the restoration of both halves of GLITCH's brain to his head, it is common for the GLITCH unit to go through a period of readjustment to having his faculties available. It is recommended to give GLITCH time to realize that there are other things around him that need attention as well. Barring that, wearing nothing save a garter belt and pair of thigh high stockings might do the trick. Be advised that GLITCH may start doing this just for the special appearance of said garter belt and stocking so use with caution.

_He's blue. And fuzzy. And has a tail. I'm not sure, but I think it's prehensile. Um, help?_

Apologies, good patron of Tin Man, Ltd. Products. This was a mere mistake on our part in the sending of your product. You have received a NIGHTCRAWLER unit by mistake. While great for Halloween parties and masquerades, your concerns are understandable. He's relatively harmless for a mutant and he's not contagious, so you needn't be concerned about sequestering your children from him. The tail is prehensile and if you require a teleportation expert, your may choose to keep your NIGHTCRAWLER at no additional charge. If not, the XMEN jet will be landing on your front lawn and STORM and JEAN will be fetching him back to the Mutant Academy. Upon receipt back into inventory, we will send out your GLITCH unit posthaste by travel storm. For the delay of shipment and any inconvenience, we will include DEMILO and his bus.

**FINAL NOTE**

We here in quality control hope that your thoroughly enjoy your GLITCH unit and, provided that all instructions are followed are certain that he will provide you with years of unending pleasure. If you are purchasing GLITCH as a gift, please be advised that we follow the rules and regulations as set out by the Royal House of Gale of the Outer Zone. Remember, a GLITCH is a gift forever, not just for birthdays and holidays.


End file.
